责任

昨天就因为责任我打了几个小时的电话，到最后我都觉得自己很烦了，每一通电话都是讲一样的内容。打完电话过后就做自己该做的事- 印名单，算工资。。。
但，也因为几通电话和一个决定，听了很多很多的‘道理’。不知道为什么我所做的事或决定都会被否定的。没有一个地方我可以立足，难道要找一个我可以立足的地方都那么难吗？那让我觉得自己很没用似的。
如果我要求你们都给我支持，你们会吗？或者只是认同我一点点就可以。

down

心情超不好，当然，被骂谁会心情好啊。但，最令我心情不好的是他说了：‘算了，讲你了也头痛。’
头痛了就不要讲好啦，也不用理算了，我就不说，不吃，当个透明人，让你觉得我不存在就得了，到时你要做什么都成。反正我有在，你好像要做什么都不能。就当我不存在，那你就不会闷了。
我做什么都是错的，做或不做都会被讲，那干嘛我还要做，问题是不做也是被骂。算了，做好我自己的本分最好，我知道自己做好就得了。不需公布天下，反正只有我自己知道。
因为星六，日都要工作，我也不晓得多久没去逛街了，有也是星四休息等到晚上他回来时出去1个多小时而已。可是那天尽然问我：‘今天那么好没去super。’
拜托，因为工作，没钱，省钱我都很多个星期六或日都没出去了，我去哪找来前几个星期都出去？什么都算了，我喜欢的东西在心里就可以了。不然等下乱乱买了又不知讲什么了，我可承受不了。

玻璃戒指

我们很久没有单独出门逛街了，所以昨天我们去sunway carnival拍拖，在商店的最高level, 看到了很特别的艺术品，那人用玻璃做成戒指，耳环，还有项链耶，我一看就很喜欢，但有点贵咯，买不下手，可能会等到下次出粮了再去吧。对它念念不忘。很精致。。。
上两个星期五是我的生日，他没有送什么特别的给我，只是跟我说他要送我的东西找不到，但昨天找到了，还把它买下送给我，当时说出了启示就是要送这给我--大头米奇。。。哈哈。。。
超开心的，但我心爱的他感冒了。。。可怜。。。要更疼他了。。
等他好转，我有空，在约他去买下我喜欢的玻璃戒指或耳环。。。

sigh.....

d 1 month lo. luckily at the last i din wait him, find other job work 1st, if not until now i still sit at home waste money...
now at music centre work d got half month d, on the other word sime darby also hole my document for 1 month d. wat the big company, do thing damn slow, wat the boss do on the top? go have dink? clubbing? chasing pretty gal?? until the inportant thing don know how to do d. forget the system d.
but, now at here quite ok, after few month may ind other better to change. all employer also see whether interviewee got experience o not. now i work to get expriencen after that get better paid...

happy...

2day i m very happy, lay khim introduce me go piona center to interview, n this afternoon i make it n successfuld... friday can start work d...
haha... happy til my mood become very very good...
i no need so worry no job d...
i can start work d....

damn hyundai...

after the manager call me ask me go interview, phone me wanna employ me nhad 2nd interview take 2 weeks...

after 2nd interview, have to go body check up, open maybank account, photocopy IC n driving licence to pass up to HQ (KL), wait til now, almost 3weeks d, also not yet confirm woth me when i start work... haiz...

even hyundai under Sime Darby, a big company, but y so slow the system, y so systematic..
haiz...
wait til very angry of them d...

me,come back d

so long time din post blog d..
2night come up to post all my stody...

after result relist, i gave myself few days holidays, then start find job d. for these times i d take time bout 2 mths to confirm i can start work d.

b4 that, parents n sister wanna me in alor star work, but i don wan. everyweek i sure will go out from home for few days only back home. when at home i also din talk so much. i don like that, some more hate it.

in bw, his mum got help me find few jobs, at home town sis n parents also got help me find, but i donlike , n don wan work in alor star. when got a person d go out to town never wan to go back to small village anymore, its true..

finally, d told them i wan work in bw, n now i also wanna start work d... haha

无助

昨晚所发生的事令到我迟迟未能入眠，我只好听着柔和的歌勉强帮我入眠。
躺在床上的同时，我的脑袋一只想着快乐的，害怕的，我很痛苦。我不要什么事情发生。
就算我之前看到或知道什么，我都相信他对我所说的一切，只是在骗对方，但为什么那谎言要一直说出口？那不是很矛盾吗？但我会相信他的。。。
跟朋友聊到一半时，他突然说不当我是朋友了，我很无辜，不知说错了什么，就这样定我死罪，也不知得罪了他什么。。。
就在几小时内发生了几件事情，我也不知该怎办，只有默默承受。。。

miss hubby

wednesday, his 3rd day go to work. i know he will very tired, i also got work as part time b4, but was when school holiday for few weeks o 1 mth only. but i also will know after work will very tired, i had this experience. i know wat the feeling.
cant see him also hope can listen his sound. but just now i call him he told me very tired n lazy to talk phone. i know he is tired then wanna end the call, since i am 不爽, i also will care bout him, i want him rest more, don wan him tired, its not good. i know that.
i told him frn at KL got a job, i wan listen wat he will say. but he nothin to say, still ask me faster go KL. i don wan to leave him...
even the job offer so good, but have to forgo many thing. i not dare...
i will miss die u.....

爸，我回来了。。。

妈都跟我说了，你不要读书了。。
是，我不要读了。成绩那么差再读下去也是浪费时间，钱。
都跟你说过钱不是问题。。。
就算钱不是问题，我也不要读。都21岁了，再去读书的时间也不像之前的那样那么短了。你们都不知道他们的system都换了，跟之前比真的难很多时间又长，不然我也不会全不及格，考不上了。虽然说我不是不会，而是我没有那运气，一次又一次的差几分，这是我要的吗？谁都不想这样。如果再读下去还能读什么？我绝对不要再account了。这可是害了我。
那你要怎样？
我要做工，上次妈跟我说店里都没现金了，我还读书干什么？
至少日后工作不用那么辛苦。
是这么说，但有很多大学生出来也是找不到工。还不是一样。那时是工选人，他们都怕请了的很多的人都没钱出人工给他们。他们都认为自己读很多，要求者要求那，都没有想下公司会不会这么想。
你不读还能做什么？
就找朋友问问看，他们有的都做工了。有一个还去教电脑，他说公司要人，我可以去interview。但要交通，这我都跟妈说过了。
嗨呀，你们啊。。。不管了。。。
总之，我不要读书。。。

无我。。。

善有善报，恶有恶报。
无我的帮助，无我的付出，但为何我却得不到善报？
做义工都有几年的时间，过后还当上了PokokSena佛教会的财政和槟城拉曼学院佛学会的秘书，但似乎善报离我很远很远，而恶报却就缠着我。为什么？
一次又一次，好像那是一定下来的结局，就算再怎么努力也是白费，就那么一点点也不愿给我。付出了那么多，却在我手指间溜走，就像沙一样要握也握不住。。。
难道是我做错了什么？要一直这样惩罚我，但这也不是个好方法，这可毁了我的一生。
难道我做的再好也没人看得到了吗？我做的也只有我自己知道。
都三年了，我却得不到什么，得到的也只有英文比赛文凭，电脑软件文凭，和维持一年课程的文凭。就这样我什么都没有了。。。
无我但没有自我，也不算什么！！！

另一片天空

在知道惊天动地的消息过后，虽然会有一定的的伤心和失落感，需要点时间冷静，平复。但话说回来，我也是脱离了苦海，明知道我不喜欢读书还比我读下去，哪会有什么心情。再加上去年当我知道要重读的时候我已心灰意冷了，只是当时妈不肯我辍学才继续的，现在不是好了吗？证明他们是错的。。。。。
出来了，不管怎样我不会再什么去学院读书，做工赚钱不再为家里有负担不是很好吗？上次当妈跟我说店里的现金都用光了都吓到了。如果跟你说店里的现金会用光你会相信吗？没有一个人会相信，就如果我跟朋友说我没钱也没人会相信，好像我是金矿一样，时时刻刻都有钱。。。
我目前又不是工作没钱是不出奇的啊，我也只是拿家里的钱而已，然而我又遇上超级大坏蛋，欠钱不换，什么天理，不要逼我，说什么甜言蜜语了，要你还就是要你还，我是这么固执又怎样，你能那我办法吗？我说过就算数，说到做到。。。
总之不在拉曼学院就是我的另一片天空，白白浪费 我的3年时间，谁能还我。。还是去了一些。。。。

penang o butterworth........

go penang, work with my friend; at butterworth, i think can save more.
don know how to choose....
yesterday i had call mum told her that i wan go penang interview, she said go try....
at night, hubby help me ask his friend bout go tution center to be a clerk....
have someone can give me some opinion? i really don know....
heard from my friend, work at penang have to travel here n there, cos wanna teach primary computer, so i think will bit busy...
at tution center will more relax, cos when got people go tuition only have to go there....
if for u, where u wan to go???

shit TARC

damn.. fail out.. is it good o bad? good is i no need face the very difficult subject, business law, business economic n others...
bad is i don know how to tell mu parents. but i had them before, if my result dab again don wan study anymore, wan find job to work d. no need waste time waste money.
i d at TARC 3 yrs d, these yr i also don know use how much d, very sem's bil, resit bil, repeat bil, n other expenses... don know whether got 10 k o not? haiz... really use a lot t there...
now don know study but work i think may be better. at lease no need spend money on me to study, as i know myself not a such person to study.....
work some more can earn money.....
but i don wan like my sis always owe bank money cos of credit card.....

part of my clothes only.....

after my last paper, i go back hostel to tidy my thing n wait uncle come to settle all the thing, deposit, electric bil, rental.....
c those thing?? there are only part of my thing, still got a lot din have on picture...
haha... if c the real thing many people sure will say:" its so terrible!!"
haha... no choice, i have been penang 3 yrs d, if my thing just few i m not Chin Hui Ping d. haha....

恋上牛奶？？？

Penang Air Itam，印度人所卖的新鲜牛奶，阿贤也有访问过！！！

已经连续两天我们特地驾车去到那地方喝牛奶，但hubby还嚷着今晚还要去。。。

看，他就在寻找那摊子的踪迹！！！

永不放弃！！！

疯狂的一天

13-16 April 2009, Shusi King member days, every shusi only sell RM2!!!

昨天，我们去吃了，这只是一部分。
大家都吃的好饱哦，哈哈哈。。。
《《
看到了吗？？
只有手够大的男生勉强可以拿那些碟！！！

3 weeks

下星期一就开始考试了，但最后一科尽然在5月6号，我只考六科尽然必须拖到三个星期才可以考完！！这是什么道理啊？？？另一方面，我在这里也只需住多三个星期就会搬走了！！说舍不得也不会不舍得，毕竟在这里发生太多很不吉利的事了。无需再留恋！！越快走越好！！受不了了！！
但一想到要搬家就烦了，太多东西了，所以我现在有些东西已拿回家或打算先放在hubby家，不过现在他的房间已有我的一些东西了。哈哈哈。。。不知道那时候都是我的东西都堆在他的房里！！哈哈哈。。。
等考完试，他就会帮我搬家，那是要辛苦他了，谢谢哦，hubby！！爱你哦！！

wanna exam d..

still got 1 more week wanna exam d, but don have heart n mood to study. Cos study quite much also will fail, wat i do leh?? Study, when exam don know how to do also write the nonsense??
Haiz, don know how! Just more hard working lo. If not i will say bye bye to TARC d!!
God bless me!!

我真好吗？？

我不知道人家是怎么看我。好还是不好？？但我觉得自己是个很不及格和不好的女朋友！
我对朋友倒是没什么，但我对男朋友会敏感和野蛮。在之前，对男朋友不是这样的，不曾对他们敏感或野蛮，自从发生一连串的事情过后我就变成这样了。
看到他跟女生有点暧昧的话语，跟那前女友有联络，我就很不开心。我也不想这样，因为有点伤感情，但我还能做什么吗？？我要求男友做一些能令我安心的事，只为了安心！！我真的不想有什么事情发生。如果发现到一些东西，我的头脑就好像不是我的一样，出现一些很不好的画面，那我也很辛苦，谁能理解？？他要我尽量不要敏感和野蛮，我也尝试了。
就像昨天，他已很烦很累但也不能帮到他什么，不多话的我，只是在那儿听着他所说的，其他的都不能做了，可能开导，安慰的方面不由得我做了吧！谁会喜欢这样的一个人？？
如果说我好的人只是看外表吧，不多话嘛！！在深一层的看就会后悔曾经说过这话了。
整天只会生气，谁会喜欢？？

女人

男人和女人所不同的地方出了生理和心理上，性格上也可很大的差别，例如：小气，霸道，野蛮，记仇等等。。。这都一直出现在女人身上，难道你们有看过男人有这些特征，但还是有少数男人会这样。
一个人会小气，不是天生或本性，而是为了一些事情感到愤愤不平和某件事不该有这样的结果。我们本身都不想一直被人家的那张嘴巴说：“这女的真小气！”绝对没有一个人想要有这样的评语！如果被人诬赖才有这名称，我想姐妹们都会小气吧？？
霸道不会是好像在社团里的“大家姐”或是“阿嫂”。我们会搞成这样全都因为我们为了要保着或守着我们所珍惜的东西。不让其他人对我们这样那样，全都只因为要自我保护，不想失去。。
我不是野蛮女友，我不会要求男友做太多的东西或离谱的东西。虽然我会提出要求他不要做我不喜欢的事情，有些事情要我解释是不可能，但只要不做就好，我就开心了。反正觉得我的要求不太过分，因为你对我也有同样的要求。我只希望你会明白！！
很会记仇不要联想到会打打杀杀，我的头脑只会一直记得所发生的每一件事，从前年开始我就会这样，甚至发恶梦和偏头痛，很辛苦！！！有时恶梦就好像真的一样，我好怕，好怕。我不坚强也不懦弱，但“怕”绝对很恐怖。

study?work?

after saw my result,i totally what can i do. This is already last sem for my repeat year, if this year i still cant pass, i cant stay at TARC d. But i don know wan go other college o straight work d, confuse bout it. And wan to make the decision make me always headache. Haiz..
if i don wan study, mum sure won allow, they wan me study. If they allow, last year i d not at TARC d.
i like reading, but not text book, i hate study, but i enjoy study life, damn nice. Hate study but enjoy the life. Don know what have i do?
I can get good result, but lazy n i don like the subject, so i d know last time i made the wrong decision..
regret....
after this week will confirm what can i do after that.

‘霸’

不知几时开始，我已开始很在乎他的每一件事，尤其他的前女友找他，我肯定在下一秒就很不开心。在我们开始的几天后，前女友就挽回他，当时我就想，我们才刚开始，我也陷得不很深，要成全他们我还能做得到，但他反对了。从那一刻起，他（子宾）是我的，没有任何一个可以抢走，就算要用审问的口气说话也只有我，当然家人除外。就算说我霸道也无所谓，我就是这样，没人能阻！
之前，我不懂是我当了人家的第三者还是人家当我的第三者，现在只要有谁搞砸我的感情，我发誓绝对不会就这样算。
冰：‘当初是你自己要放弃，现在却常扰乱人，不懂葫芦里卖的是什么药。你说过不很想理睬她，但却在我面前跟她讲电话，而且说在“朋友”家。我真的很在乎！！！都坚称没有关系了就不要有什么联系了！！！’
我不懂人家会怎么想，霸道？我只是想争取我手中所拥有的东西，不让其溜走！难道这样有错吗？我已经很累了。。。不想再有什么事情发生。我的眼泪都是为你流。。。不要什么回报，只要你在我身边。。。

伤心与开心。。。

伤心与开心只在于一线之差。你知道么？？
当别人的开心建立在自己身上的时候，那时绝望而不是伤心。在我的观念，当一个你爱的人做出你不喜欢的事情时我就会非常的不开心而失落了。
相反的，其他时候跟他在一起是非常开心的。能了解到其中的意识了吗？
当一个人的伤心和开心都是为了在一个人的身上，没有很大的出入，只要有一点点的小动作都会令自己有很大的情绪变化。

holiday start d..

Finally, this day come d. After my last paper, Principles of Finance, my holiday start d. I have to rush back to home town bcos that night i straight go Genting. Hehe.. Geng right?? Haha..
But then, sad sad.. i cant c hubby d.. 3 weeks lo, sure will miss die him d.. Hehe.. Don tell him o.. Wakaka..
So bad luck, when d reach Genting, mum n me wanna wash face then got a hand carry din lock 2gether with other bags, when trip guide ask us is it wanna buy buffet voucher, mum put down the bag buy ticket n then forgot take the bag d, lost.. All skin care gone.. Sob sob..
1st day at Genting, 2nd at Dong Zen. Wow.. Dong Zen very far, from genting also need 2 n half hrs. On bus very boring, nothin to do n nobody chit chat with me, cos no friend along, i go with auntie group, cham..
Haha.. reach Dong Zen d, big n beautiful. My wish come true d, few years ago i d said wanna go there, now i d there.. Hehe.. But quite hot..
After 4 hrs, we all wanna go back Kedah d, bcos got secondary student have to go to school. But suddenly heard that the bus was broken down bcos of just now on the way to Dong Zen they turn on tv until wneh wanna go back don have battery cant start.. Wow.. Cham.. Luckily wait more bout 15 min can d, if not really don know wat time only can go back d.
So, 3 weeks boring holiday now start d, haha..

don know!!

After come back from Bw, i was thinking am i don go to his house anymore? Bcos mum n sis also correct, always go boy's house also not so good.
Besides, he also worry wat we have to do later, he ask me, is it later don wan go his house anymore o treat as nothin happen, continue like that. I not really can made decision, but after that i choose when wanna goo back Pg exam i go find him 1st but when holiday i have to stay at home d.
Sun, i go back d, wanna face those problem n exam, wanna faint d. Haiz..

stress when CNY??

When 2nd day of CNY, i go hubby house d, but that day i really very no mood, cos when arrive Bw dad drive wrong way then make mum n me very angry, dad always at there talk talk talk.. Haiz..
Evening, i follow dad's car go Sg Dua's tol wait him, when din c him i really very angry y he will late but he told me he need to pray, haha.. never mind d, its ok.. Busy wat.. I m not so 'small gas' ma.. Hehe..
3rd day morning, we go yam cha d, his parents go Bm fetch me. When wanna go back Bw from Bm, both of us sit in front, both of us also feel nothin, but when night he told me his brother scold him y morning din let his parents sit in front, i meet his relative din say hi, o everytime must ask them wanna sit in front o not.. I really don know, last time also din meet problem like that, when i heard this really wanna cry out d, but i din n cant, he will more not happy d.
4th day, plan morning wanna go back PS d, but wait til night only go back, so i sms hubby said i will back late. Then we go old town eat with Chew. At old town, i told him go his relative house very stress cos those words he told me i quite mind. B4 i wanna go wait sis, i really cant bear d, cry out in front of him.

new year eve

its wednesday n i go hubby's house again.. hehe.. countdown, but raining, not so good, but also not bad.. hehe.. so high..
that night, we go eat 'lok lok' 1st then only go auto city. Luckily not so traffic jam if not really cham.. wow.. there were so many people,like many fish in a tin, yo.. walk n walk, we saw got a lot of thing to sell, the thing so nice, n we bought couple t-shirt n he but may tou to me.. Hehe.. i like it very much..
12am sharp, happy new year to everybody, n we all enjoy firework.. Em.. can saw firework with hubby is the most happiness n romantic..